I am in such a weird mood today. Wheee.
Sep. 30th, 2003 04:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neverwhereI have seen the Face of Evil, and it is Ralph Bashki's Lord of the Rings. Sweet Eru, I never thought it was possible to turn one of the most exciting stories in all literature into mind-numbing drivel, but the Great Bashki proved me wrong. I don't know which is more offensive, the appalling animation (why oh WHY did they have so much live action pretending to me animated? Whyyy?) or the fact that the wonderful Peter S. Beagle co-wrote the screenplay. How is it even possible that the author of the brilliant Last Unicorn can bring forth such garbage? (I really hope it wasn't him who told the voice actors to say 'MineASS Tirith'. *groan*)
I could list some of the atrocities in this spectacular waste of time (Men in mini-skirts! Boromir's supergay helmet and loincloth accessories! Gandalf touches the Ring! Ten minute fight sequences in slow motion! GIMLI IS AS TALL AS LEGOLAS! And of course, hideous hobbits!) but why even bother. I'll just say this: the Balrog = Mothra. Where's Gamura when you need him? ;-)
Rosh Hashanah was this weekend, so as an act of community service for all the shiksas and goyim out there, I'd like to present you with The Gentile's Guide to Jewish Holidays.
As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on
which you must starve and days on which you must overeat. Many Jews
observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the
time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually
purified, you definitely aren't. Though there are many feasts and
fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking.
Note: Unlike Christians, who simply attend church on special days (e.g.
Ash Wednesday) on Jewish holidays most Jews take the whole day off. This
is because Jews, for historical and personal reasons, are more stressed
out.
The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays
Rosh Hashanah -- Feast
Tzom Gedalia - Fast
Yom Kippur -- More fasting
Sukkot -- Feast
Hashanah Rabbah -- More feasting
Simchat Torah -- Keep feasting
Month of Heshvan -- No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on
yourself.
Hanukkah -- Eat potato pancakes
Tenth of Tevet -- Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B'Shevat -- Feast
Fast of Esther -- Fast
Purim -- Eat pastry
Passover -- Do not eat pastry
Shavuot -- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
17th of Tammuz -- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tish B'Av -- Very strict fast (don't even think about cheesecake or
blintzes)
Month of Elul -- End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders
before High Holidays arrive again
There are many forms of Judaism:
Cardiac Judaism -- in my heart I am a Jew.
Gastronomic Judaism -- we eat Jewish foods.
Pocketbook Judaism -- I give to Jewish causes.
Drop-off Judaism -- drop the kids off at Sunday school and go out to
breakfast.
Two-Times a Year Judaism -- attend services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom
Kippur.
You know you grew up Jewish when:
You've had at least one female relative who drew eyebrows on her face
that were always asymmetrical.
You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef
"brisket".
You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10 foot
wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to
a deli tray.
You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
You were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like
year-old cranberry sauce.
You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.
You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.
You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly
in context; yet you don't exactly know what they mean.
You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor.
You grew up thinking it's normal for someone to shout "Are you okay?
Are you okay?" through the bathroom door if you're in there for longer
than 3 minutes.
You thought that speaking loud was normal.
Wasn't that fun kiddies? :)
In case anyone is wondering, work is going well, although it is occasionally tedious in the extreme. I did however meet a very nice girl (not on LJ, sadly) who has already emailed me and seems very amiable, so here's hoping that I might actually make a new friend! *small delighted squee*
I don't normally post these things, but I thought the results were rather amusing (and truthful), so if you like you can see my LJ Obsession Test. Yes, I am obsessed. And a big ol' Attention Whore. I'm not ashamed to admit it!
You still like me anyway, right? *giggles* ;-)
I could list some of the atrocities in this spectacular waste of time (Men in mini-skirts! Boromir's supergay helmet and loincloth accessories! Gandalf touches the Ring! Ten minute fight sequences in slow motion! GIMLI IS AS TALL AS LEGOLAS! And of course, hideous hobbits!) but why even bother. I'll just say this: the Balrog = Mothra. Where's Gamura when you need him? ;-)
Rosh Hashanah was this weekend, so as an act of community service for all the shiksas and goyim out there, I'd like to present you with The Gentile's Guide to Jewish Holidays.
As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on
which you must starve and days on which you must overeat. Many Jews
observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the
time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually
purified, you definitely aren't. Though there are many feasts and
fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking.
Note: Unlike Christians, who simply attend church on special days (e.g.
Ash Wednesday) on Jewish holidays most Jews take the whole day off. This
is because Jews, for historical and personal reasons, are more stressed
out.
The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays
Rosh Hashanah -- Feast
Tzom Gedalia - Fast
Yom Kippur -- More fasting
Sukkot -- Feast
Hashanah Rabbah -- More feasting
Simchat Torah -- Keep feasting
Month of Heshvan -- No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on
yourself.
Hanukkah -- Eat potato pancakes
Tenth of Tevet -- Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B'Shevat -- Feast
Fast of Esther -- Fast
Purim -- Eat pastry
Passover -- Do not eat pastry
Shavuot -- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
17th of Tammuz -- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tish B'Av -- Very strict fast (don't even think about cheesecake or
blintzes)
Month of Elul -- End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders
before High Holidays arrive again
There are many forms of Judaism:
Cardiac Judaism -- in my heart I am a Jew.
Gastronomic Judaism -- we eat Jewish foods.
Pocketbook Judaism -- I give to Jewish causes.
Drop-off Judaism -- drop the kids off at Sunday school and go out to
breakfast.
Two-Times a Year Judaism -- attend services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom
Kippur.
You know you grew up Jewish when:
You've had at least one female relative who drew eyebrows on her face
that were always asymmetrical.
You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef
"brisket".
You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10 foot
wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to
a deli tray.
You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
You were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like
year-old cranberry sauce.
You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.
You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.
You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly
in context; yet you don't exactly know what they mean.
You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor.
You grew up thinking it's normal for someone to shout "Are you okay?
Are you okay?" through the bathroom door if you're in there for longer
than 3 minutes.
You thought that speaking loud was normal.
Wasn't that fun kiddies? :)
In case anyone is wondering, work is going well, although it is occasionally tedious in the extreme. I did however meet a very nice girl (not on LJ, sadly) who has already emailed me and seems very amiable, so here's hoping that I might actually make a new friend! *small delighted squee*
I don't normally post these things, but I thought the results were rather amusing (and truthful), so if you like you can see my LJ Obsession Test. Yes, I am obsessed. And a big ol' Attention Whore. I'm not ashamed to admit it!
You still like me anyway, right? *giggles* ;-)
| The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test | ||
| Category | Your Score | Average LJer |
| Community Attachment | 64.52% You're the Kevin Bacon of LiveJournal, with friends galore to support you. Fear angelislington's army of fans! | 23.34% |
| MemeSheepage | 28.07% Easily amused | 29.39% |
| Original Content | 58.06% Using LiveJournal to express a few strong opinions | 39.32% |
| Psychodrama Quotient | 13.25% Had a comment taken out of context once or twice | 17.14% |
| Attention Whoring | 77.27% You'd sell your mother for another three friends | 21.05% |
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 05:22 pm (UTC)*hides*
I actually used to watch that when I was a kid...alot. It's like my Scarlet Letter of LOTR fandom.
Ugh...Viking!Boromir...thank the gods for Sean Bean.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 07:17 pm (UTC)Viking Borormir is almost as bad as Deformed Dwarf Samwise. *shudder*
Ah hell, they're all disgraceful. Bleaugh!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 05:34 pm (UTC)well, here's to learning something new every day.
ps my mum makes the best brisket EVAR you should come over some time.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 07:13 pm (UTC)I never knew brisket was roast beef either, until this weekend. Those goys are so weird. *giggles*
BTW, who's in your icon?
And you know I'd love to try some of your mum's homemade vittles. Just wait for me to save up some money, okay bubbe? :)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 07:37 pm (UTC)jono and angelo. chamber and skin. generation x <33333 theirloveissocanon.
*glees, and saves up as well*
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 05:46 pm (UTC)Also, the "You know you grew up Jewish when" made me laugh so hard. I fit every category. Does that make me Super Jew? I really hope so.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 07:05 pm (UTC)*laughs*
Have you seen this website? I think you'll find it most amusing. :)
Happy New Year!
Date: 2003-09-30 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 07:04 pm (UTC)Also, the music is horrific. I bought it, watched it once, and now keep it for sheer geek value. ^_^ Ohhhhh the awfulness.
Thanks for the Jewish guide, btw. Interesting stuff.
Glad to hear things are still well with you! :D
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 09:25 pm (UTC)*snerk*
Does that make Gandalf Gojira the Gorilla-Whale?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:28 pm (UTC)*LOL*
You actually got my joke! GO YOU!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 10:09 pm (UTC)MY WHOLE LIFE'S TRUTHS ARE ALL THROWN INTO QUESTION!!
And now I want brisket. Ooooog, home cooking! *pines*
And because it cannot be overemphasized enough...
<333333333333333333
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:26 pm (UTC)*laughs*
Brisket is indeed roast beef. I know, I had no idea either. Roast beef just sounds so alien, neh? *giggles* ;-)
*hugs and kisses and squeezes till you burst*
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:27 pm (UTC)LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 10:58 pm (UTC)Although I haven't actually sat through all (I couldn't do it) of Bashki's "film", so I suppose I don't get the full horrible picture. It is the one with the singing, is it not? My brother went around singing, "Frodo of the nine fingers..." for weeks.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:24 pm (UTC)I know, it's shocking isn't it? A little respect for him just died...*sighs softly*
It's the one with the godawful liveaction painted over like animation, and men in mini-skirts and knee high boots, and everyone looking as ugly as an orc. Bleaugh.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:29 pm (UTC)But I"m still totally amazed Peter S. Beagle was involved. Why oh why?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 02:18 am (UTC)And I think I have never quite recovered from the horror that is the Bakshi incarnation of Sam. Mr Potato Head... *shudders*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:21 pm (UTC)*snort*
Mr Potato Head indeed. Bwahahahaha.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 04:00 am (UTC)I love your guide to Jewish feasts!
Oh, you're so fantastic. :) :) :)
The Bakshi film is a scream. Have you ever seen this: http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/bakshi/bakshi.htm?
(sorry, in a rush hence lack of proper linkage!)
It's one of the funniest things ever...
love you!!!!!!
Elly
ps ROTK! ROTK! ROTK! ROTK!!!!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:19 pm (UTC)I can't see the trailer!!! *sob*
Neither the internet cafe or the library has quicktime, so I can't watch it. Oh, the misery!
But at least I'm still fantastic. *gigglegrin*
*hugs and kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisses!*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 04:19 am (UTC)It's original, different, and less hack-and-slash like the film is.
It is a great pity that he ran out of money and couldn't finish it - I would dearly have liked to have seen it all in that form.
So in other words :-P
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:16 pm (UTC)You are SO weird.
*thneeb* :-P
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:58 am (UTC)Your Handy Guide to Being Jewish made me laugh out loud and stop breathing momentarily. I've never even heard of some of those holidays, but according to your definitions, I really grew up Jewish.
Permission to pass it on?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:15 pm (UTC)There is another, by Rankin Bass, who did Flight of Dragons, the Hobbit, and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. But it's only the Return of the King, and at least has the distinction of being cute, rather than nauseating. *grins*
Wow, I had no idea my little list would be so hilarious. Go me! :D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 09:07 am (UTC)Your guide to Jewish holidays has left me rolling on the ground in laughter, darn you. I should send it back home.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:11 pm (UTC)Who knew I was so goshdurned funny? *giggles*
Well, you did, I suppose. ;-)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 01:43 pm (UTC)*hugs*
*preens*
Date: 2003-10-01 06:09 pm (UTC)WOOOHOOOOO!
*does the Happy Nevvie dance* :D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 11:32 pm (UTC)Oh! guess what i did in japan! pashed a guy for 20 mins... naked!!! i'm so totally not straight! best time of my life! *g* i'll show u a picture of him next time you come online in msn!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-09 01:49 pm (UTC)i saw your username on the member list for
Hellooooooooo! :D
Date: 2003-10-09 06:30 pm (UTC)*giggles*
As it says in my profile, I worship him as a GOD. *beams*
Thanks so much for adding me! I do so love making new friends. And you like otters! Otters rule. As does Neil, Brent, and everything else we have in common. *grins impishly*
I'm Nevvie, pleased to meet you. *howd'yedoandshakehands* :)
Re: Hellooooooooo! :D
Date: 2003-10-09 09:24 pm (UTC)hee! d'you know what my screenname means, then? ^_^
Re: Hellooooooooo! :D
Date: 2003-10-10 12:45 pm (UTC)But of course!
I studied latin for 8 years, I should hope I would remember something so important. *grins* ;-)
Re: Hellooooooooo! :D
Date: 2003-10-10 08:40 pm (UTC)