And now for something completely different -- a journal entry!

[neverwhere]

Hello. :)

This is a very short post to say that yes, I am still alive. Mostly.

I really am truly sorry for not updating until now. My reasons have been entirely silly but quite important and impressive, in my head at least. I've spent the past 6 months in a state of perpetual gloom and self-loathing, and I didn't want to bog down anyone with my pointless wangst.

So, briefly, what have you missed? Not much. I lost nearly 50 pounds, got down to a size 10, and have now ballooned back up to a 14 (insert much futile whinging and self-hatred here). I got a second job and for a while worked 13-15 hour days which were driving me crazy (literally), but now am working so few hours at both jobs I might have to find a third. Hurrah. I was occasionally so fearful and depressed and utterly ashamed of myself I could not find the willpower to leave my tiny, dark apartment, and stayed at home crying for days, convinced I was not worthy enough even to see the best friend who loves me.

I started taking classes in Japanese, with the vague but hopefully more career oriented goal of being a translator sometime in the future. I spent many fun times with my dearest nut_m3g. I saw the most outstandingly brilliant, mind-blowingly orgasmic Muse concert, standing next to the stage, directly in front of Matthew Bellamy with his Guitarcrotch and Sexface. Guhhhhhhhhhhh.

And really? That's about it.

Oh, and there might be some other news. Good news. I hope. Hee. *blushes shyly and grins*
I'm saving that bit of joy for the next entry. :)

But anyway, I just wanted to say I'm here, and I missed you all very much. I can't wait to start doing this again. I'm no longer trapped in a cycle of suffering (for the moment, anyway), and even if I do feel depressed again, I know I should write it down and let it out, rather than let it consume me, alone and afraid.

Thank you so much for putting up with me. :) You're all amazing, have I told you that lately? ;-)

Comments

[mamaslyth.livejournal.com]

NEVVIE!!! *pounce-huggles*

*huggle-pounces*

LOVE YOU!

[newredshoes]

*flying glomp!*

*kissonnanose*

'Ello, poppet.

[bygonepie]

THE WORLD IS ENDING!
YOU'VE UPDATED!

*FAINTS*

[storme]

Nevvie! Yay!

We've missed you, honey.

[undomiel-tari.livejournal.com]

omg!! i'm so glad to hear from you!!! :) *huggles*

[hatfullofstars.livejournal.com]

HI NEVVIE!

[madzilla.livejournal.com]

HIIII!!! *glomps* How the devil are you? Great to see you around here again!

Hope all's well at the mo!

:D

[winterswitchery.livejournal.com]

I've really missed you, Nevvie <3

[mirabehn.livejournal.com]

Hello!!!!

Oh, it's wonderful to see you back on here again. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been through such a rough time. And yes, if you start to feel depressed again you should definitely sound off on here rather than being alone. :-(

much, much love,

Cousin Merry #2

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

Your posts are always missed, I hope things turn up for you. Nevvie.

[xendragon.livejournal.com]

I missed you and you are also amazing. Please don't be sad again!

[queeniefox.livejournal.com]

*glomps* I am very curious about this other good news now, you tease!

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

NEVVIE. *pounces*

*hugs you a lot*

*hugs you more*

1. Here's a present for you: wedontsendit.
2. I'm so, so glad you realise (at least at the moment, and I'm sure Meggy will aid me in kicking your ass if you forget) that telling us about the badness is a good thing. Venting is good. We aren't going to get angry with you or hate you or anything even vaguely bad.
3. I hope the good news is what I am sort of guessing it is, but whatever: good luck for it. :)

[airemay.livejournal.com]

Yea it's you!!!

Are you up to hanging out or neg? I'd love to see you again. :D

[lego-the-eggo.livejournal.com]

YAY YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!! *flying hug tackles*


Ooooo! Good news you say? :) We must know ze news!!!!!!

[starbright31.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

Awwww, I miss you Nevvie-beans! :D

[fyrie.livejournal.com]

*TACKLEHUGS!* We worried! You were all MIA and stuff!

[grenadier.livejournal.com]

*waves*

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

You GOOBER! I've been so worried! Goober goober goober goober!

I have so much to talk to you about. And you I suspect have much to talk to me about. What's your email nowadays? Or phone number, or something! I am as always at ashfae at sub-zero dot mit dot edu. Now contact me or I will make you regret it!

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Sorry it's been so bad, dear. So glad you pushed on through and came out the other side. :)

[eyre-lasgalen.livejournal.com]

oh darling it is so wonderful to hear from you!

Can I just say that I think it's amazing that you managed to loose 50 pounds AT ALL, even if you did gain back (like about 90% of dieters). You know it's possible. you CAN do it. And, BTW, I WISH I was a size 14 ;)

I can't stand the thought of you alone and crying for days on end.....I just wish there was something I could do, but I know there isn't. I'm always here though, if you need me. And YES, don't let it consume you; it's at least something you can do for yourself

Keep us updated! I'll be in Cali next July for a conference, so I'll simply have to arrange to meet you at some time. I'll be in San Fransisco, which I know isn't really near to where you are, but still, I'll be in the same state, and that's a start

[trukkle.livejournal.com]

*squishhugs* You nut, what ever will we do with you? Well, once we find out we'll have to do it with me too seeing as we seem to be just as bad as each other :)

[mermaidrain.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not, I've missed you. Glad to see you're back and alive and doing sorta okay. Sorry you had some bad times, but ... is that a current pic in that icon? Because if it is, you're looking good.

[bygonepie]

OMG will any concert live up to that?