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Nov. 22nd, 2002 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neverwhereNovember has not been a good month. *sighs*
Today I was told that people think I 'only do well when I can be bothered to use some effort.' What the fuck?? I give more, do more, act more than just about anyone else, and I get told this?! What fucking BULLSHIT! ARRGHHHHH!!!!! Why the hell do I even bother offering up my soul for my art, when all I get is this in return. Why why why!
I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong -- okay, so I'm not as professional as I should be in rehearsal, I'm a giggly person and I'm very absent minded, I can't help the fact that I'm not 100% focused all the time, but I always try my best when I'm singing, and I never pull focus when it's other people's turn, I'm polite and friendly and genuinely care about everyone else. So why am I getting so dumped on all the damn time??
Just in the past week I've been told that my singing lacked so much emotion I sounded like I was reading the phone book, I'm too fat to ever get 'real' work, and it seems like I don't even care enough about the rehearsal process to put the tiniest amount of effort into my performance. Am just so shocked. I try so hard, and I get this crap thrown in my face. At least I didn't cry this time -- I could feel the tears in my eyes, but I would not let them show. Not this time.
I am just so sick of feeling useless.
Felt sick this morning when I read in the paper that another suicide bomber blew up a bus in Israel. A bus full of children. How on earth do they expect to get ANY sympathy when they do this kind of reprehensible act over and over again? They're CHILDREN for godsake, not soldiers or politicians, or anyone who might have anything to do Palestinian oppression. Just children on their way to school. There is absolutely NO excuse, no justification for what they did, and what they continue to do, and it makes my heart weep at the injustice of it all. How can we live in a world where some people find this acceptable?
Oh, and the firefighter's strike is back on, so people are going to lose their houses and their lives, because some politians and union leaders can't agree on how much money their workers should be paid. Pathetic.
It also means for the next week there's going to be absolute chaos on the Underground, as half the stations are going to be closed because they are fire hazards, and Tube workers will take the opportunity to strike themselves, even though they have even less reason not to work. Can't tell you how excited I am about all this. Whoopee. *growls*
Right. Change of mood now, because I can't stay upset forever. :)
In case you haven't noticed, Evil Willow is my new moody/bitchy/upset icon. I needed one, and I thought she would do nicely, and that Tori quote (hands up everyone who recognized it! *waves hand in the air* ;-) seemed to fit perfectly. I'll probably re-do it soon, because I made it in a bit of a rush -- for some reason PaintShop keeps crashing without even an error report popping up, it just closes itself and disappears, so I have to work quickly in order to do anything. Stupid thing. But I like the idea, and I definitely need more Tori quotes. *grins*
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mrs_puppethead! Guess what I saw today! I was walking through Euston station and saw an enormous poster of Eddie Izzard, wearing a long patchwork coat, silky black underwear and thigh high stockings, stiletto shoes and even a black lacy bra! MRRROOWWRRRR!!! *giggles* How is it that he can make being a transvestite look so heterosexually sexy? *lol*
I think it was advertising something, but I couldn't see what (sometimes adverts are in themes, and you don't find out what the product actually is until a few posters or commercials later), I'll try and find out for you. For us really. *grins*
I also found this brilliant quote from him in Time Out magazine that I keep forgetting to post:
(Talking about his latest stage show on DVD)
'When I say (as Jesus) "what does Mum think of this?", it was just after I'd come from New Zealand where they were filming Lord of the Rings. So I threw in Galadriel as Jesus's mum. I thought the idea of God being married to an Elfin queen was nicely fucked.'
Of course, I'm getting that DVD as soon as it's released. :)
I just noticed, I am swearing alot in this post. *grins sheepishly*
Hope no one is offended. ;-)
Which Watership Down Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Awwww! I'm so cute. *giggles* I absolutely love Watership Down, it's been one of my favourite films since I was about four years old. Of course the book is marvellous too, but it's the film I have the fondest memories of. In fact, I even have it on dvd now. *G* I've always liked Fiver best, but Pipkin's sweet too! I think this is just more proof I have an affinity with all things Pip-ish. ;-)
Hoo boy, this is a long post! *laughs*
Big squishy hugs to my darlingashfae because she needs them. I love you, you big sillyhead. *smoochonnanose* :))
Today I was told that people think I 'only do well when I can be bothered to use some effort.' What the fuck?? I give more, do more, act more than just about anyone else, and I get told this?! What fucking BULLSHIT! ARRGHHHHH!!!!! Why the hell do I even bother offering up my soul for my art, when all I get is this in return. Why why why!
I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong -- okay, so I'm not as professional as I should be in rehearsal, I'm a giggly person and I'm very absent minded, I can't help the fact that I'm not 100% focused all the time, but I always try my best when I'm singing, and I never pull focus when it's other people's turn, I'm polite and friendly and genuinely care about everyone else. So why am I getting so dumped on all the damn time??
Just in the past week I've been told that my singing lacked so much emotion I sounded like I was reading the phone book, I'm too fat to ever get 'real' work, and it seems like I don't even care enough about the rehearsal process to put the tiniest amount of effort into my performance. Am just so shocked. I try so hard, and I get this crap thrown in my face. At least I didn't cry this time -- I could feel the tears in my eyes, but I would not let them show. Not this time.
I am just so sick of feeling useless.
Felt sick this morning when I read in the paper that another suicide bomber blew up a bus in Israel. A bus full of children. How on earth do they expect to get ANY sympathy when they do this kind of reprehensible act over and over again? They're CHILDREN for godsake, not soldiers or politicians, or anyone who might have anything to do Palestinian oppression. Just children on their way to school. There is absolutely NO excuse, no justification for what they did, and what they continue to do, and it makes my heart weep at the injustice of it all. How can we live in a world where some people find this acceptable?
Oh, and the firefighter's strike is back on, so people are going to lose their houses and their lives, because some politians and union leaders can't agree on how much money their workers should be paid. Pathetic.
It also means for the next week there's going to be absolute chaos on the Underground, as half the stations are going to be closed because they are fire hazards, and Tube workers will take the opportunity to strike themselves, even though they have even less reason not to work. Can't tell you how excited I am about all this. Whoopee. *growls*
Right. Change of mood now, because I can't stay upset forever. :)
In case you haven't noticed, Evil Willow is my new moody/bitchy/upset icon. I needed one, and I thought she would do nicely, and that Tori quote (hands up everyone who recognized it! *waves hand in the air* ;-) seemed to fit perfectly. I'll probably re-do it soon, because I made it in a bit of a rush -- for some reason PaintShop keeps crashing without even an error report popping up, it just closes itself and disappears, so I have to work quickly in order to do anything. Stupid thing. But I like the idea, and I definitely need more Tori quotes. *grins*
mrs_puppethead! Guess what I saw today! I was walking through Euston station and saw an enormous poster of Eddie Izzard, wearing a long patchwork coat, silky black underwear and thigh high stockings, stiletto shoes and even a black lacy bra! MRRROOWWRRRR!!! *giggles* How is it that he can make being a transvestite look so heterosexually sexy? *lol* I think it was advertising something, but I couldn't see what (sometimes adverts are in themes, and you don't find out what the product actually is until a few posters or commercials later), I'll try and find out for you. For us really. *grins*
I also found this brilliant quote from him in Time Out magazine that I keep forgetting to post:
(Talking about his latest stage show on DVD)
'When I say (as Jesus) "what does Mum think of this?", it was just after I'd come from New Zealand where they were filming Lord of the Rings. So I threw in Galadriel as Jesus's mum. I thought the idea of God being married to an Elfin queen was nicely fucked.'
Of course, I'm getting that DVD as soon as it's released. :)
I just noticed, I am swearing alot in this post. *grins sheepishly*
Hope no one is offended. ;-)
Which Watership Down Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Awwww! I'm so cute. *giggles* I absolutely love Watership Down, it's been one of my favourite films since I was about four years old. Of course the book is marvellous too, but it's the film I have the fondest memories of. In fact, I even have it on dvd now. *G* I've always liked Fiver best, but Pipkin's sweet too! I think this is just more proof I have an affinity with all things Pip-ish. ;-)
Hoo boy, this is a long post! *laughs*
Big squishy hugs to my darling
ashfae because she needs them. I love you, you big sillyhead. *smoochonnanose* :))
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Jamie is sooooo mad at me
Date: 2002-11-23 02:41 am (UTC)I was the black rabbit - Ironically Jamie is shit scared of the black rabbit and very phobic about the film.......
He is still totally freaked and is refusing to read my live journal and going mental at me because it means when he opens his friends page and sees the black rabbit leaping across his live journal ........
I am being serious he has blown his stack at me for doing this test because it means he has to see it on LJ friends page.....
*meep* now i am freaked out......
Heh heh I'll just leap around the bed tonight dressed in black with black bunny ears muhahahaha
Re: Jamie is sooooo mad at me
Date: 2002-11-23 02:43 am (UTC)*giggles* I was scared of the Black Rabbit when I was little too! 'Course, I'm not scared anymore...;-)
I shouldn't mock him (oh, but its so fun!) though, because I'm still terrified of clown dolls. *giggles*
Re: Jamie is sooooo mad at me
Date: 2002-11-23 07:33 am (UTC)Are you going to come to the next watgoths pub meet? Its next Tuesday if you want to come and we meet at the Flag around 8pm....
Also trying to organise a watgoths meal and trip out to see The Two Towers.
If you want to join Watgoths just look for them in yahoo groups and then send a request to join on the joining link.
By the way do you know of any Tolkien fan meets that go on round this area or somewhere i could get to easily from Watford?
hugs
xxxxxx
Re: Jamie is sooooo mad at me
Date: 2002-11-23 04:28 pm (UTC)I wish I knew of Tolkien fan meets! I don't know of any around here, I just know that a bunch of people from TheOneRing.Net are going to be at the premiere on 11 December.
I tried calling you lots of times about the last pubmeet, did you ever get my messages? I wonder if I have the wrong number...I was worried because you didn't answer, and that meant you didn't actually want me to come, so I rather stupidly didn't say anything to you for a while. *grins sheepishly*
I'll definately come to the next one! *bouncebounce*