(no subject)

[neverwhere]

Thank you so much for your concern and well wishes. I can't believe how many of you replied to my entry, I'm truly stunned by the reaction it received. I really have made some amazing friends. I hope you all realize how much I value your friendship. Because I really do. :)

Please forgive me for not replying last night, I went to bed early and was too emotionally drained for a response. So here's the deal -- I'm not going because I want to. There are many reasons why I am being forced to go, but basically it's because I have no money and my father has promised to help me get back on my feet, but only if it is under his careful supervision, which means I have to leave. He never wanted me to become an actor, he hates me living here (where he can't CONTROL me) and even wants me to train for a 'proper' degree this time, preferably at a 'decent' school (let's not even mention how much he loathed Sarah Lawrence) so he can finally be proud of me. And did I mention that he wants to stick me in 'intense' therapy to sort out all of my emotional problems (most of which he caused)? Whoopee.

So I'm going. And not looking forward to it at all. But, my father has promised to bribe me make my stay more pleasant and (hopefully) enjoyable by giving me lots and lots of stuff. My father is quite well off, but has never actually given me anything like this, so it's rather shocking. But he has promised a nice flat, a car, a computer, dvd player...just about anything to bribe me into staying and shutting up about how miserable I am make me happy. Which will be nice. It will be good not to constantly stress about money, because god knows I've done enough of that lately. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm there -- I suppose I'll get a job in a bookshop, which I've done before and enjoyed, but apart from that (and going to the gym of course -- I have got to lose weight) I really have no clue. I'd like to keep acting of course...but I seriously doubt that will be a possibility. Oh well.

I know I shouldn't complain. Most people would love to be in my position. But it's just so unfair -- I was finally starting to have a good life, I actually made some fantastic friends that I could spend time with and who cared about me, and even more that I haven't met yet or got to know very well but would dearly love to, and now I'm going thousands of miles away, where I don't know ANYone except a few relatives whom I would really rather not have to see. I don't want to be alone.

I don't want to leave.

I just have to keep telling myself, 'it's only for a little while'. I hope it's true.


In other news: Today I had a fascinating conversation with a woman who is about to begin making a film that will be shown at next year's Cannes Film Festival. It's called Strings, and it's a dark, elegant, poignant and incredibly beautiful story about the lives of marionettes. If anyone has seen Being John Malkovitch, they'll know what I'm talking about. It sounds like a brilliant film, and I can't wait to see it.


Oh, and GIP -- because people don't use book quotes nearly enough. Pippin really is a most sensible Hobbit. :)

Comments

[trakkie.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I have parents who control my life, so I know that it's not a fun experience. I'm sorry that you have to move away from a place that's finally feeling right for you, I can only hope that you'll have a positive experience in LA as well.

At least in LA, there's a huge acting scene, you could probably find a lot of opportunities there. And working in a bookstore has always been a dream of mine, so at least that might be a little bit of fun.

I really wish you the best of luck - when I moved to Atlanta, I cried for weeks, and I'm still pretty miserable about it. But I can assure you that things start to get better - it doesn't happen right away, but it happens eventually. It's cliched advice, but true.

(If I go to USC, we can be new people in LA together...)

[charmingdetails.livejournal.com]

Gosh, I'm sorry you're in such a stressful situation... I truly hope it works out for the best. And as others have said, LA is a great place to go for acting, so maybe this will be to your advantage in the long run! ;) Anyway, as I said yesterday, do not hesitate to contact me if you need any help, moral support, or really, if you just need to find out where to shop. 'Cause I'm good at that. ^^

You will get through this craziness!!

[laizeohbeets.livejournal.com]

that is certainly terrible that your dad is making you move so he can keep a watch on you. it is nice to get all sorts of goodies, but when they come with that stigma, who wants them? bah! you need to get a prime acting job in LA and then ... i don't know... stick it to your dad and move back to london. lol.

[ladynemo.livejournal.com]

*huggles* I'm so sorry... I'm trying to escape the situation you're going into, so I pretty much know how it feels.

[meretia]

Oh, well that's a relief. Everyone knows that twelve-year-olds can't get on by themselves. < /sarcasm>

That's really... passive-aggressive of him. I hope it won't be too long. ::cuddles::


And it just occured to me that I invited you to call me without giving you my number. (740) 597-7082 in Athens, I'm here until mid-June. (937) 890-2908 in Dayton over the summer.

[ellen-drell.livejournal.com]

Aw...you're so sweet! *huggles* I'm sure you're time away from home will go by faster than you even know! ^^

Hehe, you're right. Book quotes are not used nearly enough. I should do something about promoting it, too, ne? ^^

[wreibyn.livejournal.com]

you know, it really is sad how things work out. i mean, if you try and compare the two of us and our dads, it's sort of opposite ends of a stick. i don't really get along with my dad either, but if i were in such a desperate position, he'd do what he could to help me out. i know it wouldn't be very much because he doesn't have much to give, but i'd have whatever he could sacrifice. i know i'm always talking ill of my father, and he doesn't treat my sisters and me as best he could, but at least he doesn't have to resort to bribery :( i'm just glad that he's let me live my own life and make my decisions for myself without any negative drawbacks. it's too bad that your dad won't support you anywhere but in LA.. maybe you should lease the appartment and the car out to someone and take the cash and run *g* or maybe i shouldn't put ideas in your head.

i'm sorry if that didn't make any sense. i'm so exhausted and i need to go to bed now. it's veeeeeeeery late... *huggles tight* it's not forever! One frabjous day you will slay the evil Jabberwocky ;)

oh :-(

[cat-irix.livejournal.com]

Well, like other people noted, it may be not as bad as it sounds... an opportunity to get pampered and spend lots of money, to get immersed into foreign culture, to learn something completely new, to take care of your body :-) heck I could use a rich daddy ! only mine is 1)poor - or so he says 2)greedy like hell - as my mother says 3)couldn't care less about his child abandoned years ago...

Only the therapy thing sounds scary, but as long as it's restricted to talk and they don't force/convince you to take medication, it should be ok...

And I'm sure you'll meet a lot of new friends ! sadly I can't be part of them... but if, by any chance, your "rehab" course would take you onto a trip to Jerusalem, just holler ;-)

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

If you've decided to go, at least you're going to the busiest place for actors in the US and you're bound to make new friends - it's not as if you won't be able to keep in touch with your London friends anyway, right? I hope it does go fine when you leave (next week? eep!) xx

Mind that I added you? You kept popping up all over LJ on communities and friends comments and..I was curious, plus you sound lovely. :)

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Hello!

Of course I don't mind that you added me, I'm flattered that I am so noticeable. And lovely. *blushes happily* :D

*hugs!*

[mirabehn.livejournal.com]

*huggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggs to infinity*

Your father sounds like an utter git. Sorry, but he does. No wonder you're upset. And where does he get off criticising you so much? You're amazing. *shudders at the control freakery* Waaah! :(

But as you are, let me tell you I have a great deal of faith in your ability to make the situation work *for you*. There will be opportunities in LA that will be all about *you*, not about him, and I bet you'll make the best of them. :) If you can't act professionally while you're there because of your father breathing down your neck, do some amateur stuff. Or get a microphone with your computer and take part in one of those internet talking book projects. Write a film script, and then film it when you come back to the UK (as I know you will, some day).

One thing you could also do - get some assertiveness training? Might help you cope with your father better - it would be nice if it rebounded on him a little like that. *grin*

Keep posting, and keep in touch. I'll still be here for you, and still be online plenty! I will miss you, though. I feel honoured to be able to call you my friend. And I'm so glad that we have got to meet up a few times over the last few months!!

*more hugs*,

lots of love,

xxMerryxx

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Of course I'll keep in touch! There's no way I could ever neglect my journal, and especially not the people I've met here. *hugs you tight*

Love you Merry cuz. *snuggletasticsmoochyhugs* :))

Leaving?!

[thecheekymonkey.livejournal.com]

But... but... *snuffle*

My Nevvie can't leave me. Whom shall I visit in London? Who will give me squishylove?! Who will call me munchkin?!

*sobs*

[inblackink.livejournal.com]

Aww, *hugs*... You are a strong woman, Nevvie, and you will get through this... Your father will not always have such control, "one day girl, you're gonna learn to make 'em crawl, make 'em grow tall, but have the grace to be a lady with disgrace..." :)

And as others have mentioned, you have so many friends who can't wait to swoop down on you for visits now that you're on this side of the pond! :)

[eyre-lasgalen.livejournal.com]

Nevvie, don't worry about how you feel. Yes, some would see this as an opportunity, and I can see why, but not you. This isn't an opportunity for you, it's a set back. I understand how confining it will be. First, it's LA, and I know how you hate it. I can't imagine how I would suffocate living in a city with millions of phonies. Second, you've begun a good life in England. It's not perfect, but you can be yourself and your own person. You've found people like you and who love you and I think that's what's most important about "sorting out your emotional problems".

When I think of you going to LA, I think of Lisa saying "I can't go back to Springfield! I'll wither and die like a hot house flower!"

Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but we both know my feelings on the US (God, I'm going to be flamed now!) and LA is prabably the worst place you could go. I know that I would die if I had to live in such a place. But at least you won't be in Orange county.........

Well, I'm going to go now. But I'm going to call you before you leave. I just have to find your number.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*sighs and throws her arms around you*

I'm so glad that you understand how I feel. I knew you would, but it's still reassuring to hear it. *hugs you tight*

God I miss you.

[queeniefox.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry if I repeat previous comments, there is a lot and I haven't read them all!

I also apologise in advance for sticking my nose in, because this is none of my business at all...however, I'm worried about you!

After you go over there your father is going to think that he can control you, and be even less inclined to accept you for who you are. He's going to think that he's won. His offer is generous, but it's the way he's doing it and the conditions on it that irks me.

Of course, it's not a matter of saying 'I'm going to live my life the way I want', because obviously money and security are important. Plus, there are advantages to this, which people have already mentioned.

The thing that worries me is that you sound so unhappy about it. I wish there was something I could do. My parents (especially my mother) regualy tell me that I'm 'abnormal' but at least they've never had any big problems with my choice of studies or career hopes.

Whatever happens, I'll be thinking about you.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*squeeeeeeze*

Thanks Liz. :)

[artsy-freak.livejournal.com]

I feel horrible for you! I have overbearing-crazy-always-in-your-face parents, too, but I still live with them, so they haven't uprooted me-yet. Don't give up on the acting! Ever! Everybody's always screaming at everybody else to follow their dreams and then they laugh at them when they truly do. Follow the dream. You *know* someone will want you in their movie when you get to L.A. *hugs*

The north americans are welcoming you with open arms! We're a pretty friendly bunch...mostly. ;)

:) some brown girl love...

[brown-girl.livejournal.com]

Alas, I found your livejournal because I was looking for a hot photo of Billy Boyd...and...well, the first entry I read was about you coming to LA.

I am NOT in LA.. but I am in SF. And.. I'm an actor.. and more importantly, I do musical theatre...(tee-hee.. I also have a BA in Humanities! Sound familiar?)

At any rate, I don't know you quite well.. and I understand that you're in such a crazy time in your life.. but if you ever want to talk..at least you know that there's a incredibly crazy, Billy Boyd lovin, musical theatre actress.. that visits LA often for auditions :)

And always has an open ear.. and an open email!

Much brown girl love!

Re: :) some brown girl love...

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Hiya!

I'm curious as to why you thought my journal would have hot pictures of Billy Boyd (although I am of course exceedingly pleased, and now that I think about it, my journal could do with some steamy naked pictures of my favourite Took ;-), but I'm so glad you dropped by! *hugs*

You are so sweet to offer this random stranger your friendship, I really appreciate it -- although I suppose I'm not so strange, as we do seem to share alot in common. *grins* (Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Billy. I hugged him today! *squeeeee* I'll write all about it tomorrow, as I am too shagged to write a journal entry tonight. :)

Musical theatre actors RULE! *high five* Booyah! *giggles* :D

And that's all I have to say about that. ;-)