(no subject)

[neverwhere]

Thank you so much for your concern and well wishes. I can't believe how many of you replied to my entry, I'm truly stunned by the reaction it received. I really have made some amazing friends. I hope you all realize how much I value your friendship. Because I really do. :)

Please forgive me for not replying last night, I went to bed early and was too emotionally drained for a response. So here's the deal -- I'm not going because I want to. There are many reasons why I am being forced to go, but basically it's because I have no money and my father has promised to help me get back on my feet, but only if it is under his careful supervision, which means I have to leave. He never wanted me to become an actor, he hates me living here (where he can't CONTROL me) and even wants me to train for a 'proper' degree this time, preferably at a 'decent' school (let's not even mention how much he loathed Sarah Lawrence) so he can finally be proud of me. And did I mention that he wants to stick me in 'intense' therapy to sort out all of my emotional problems (most of which he caused)? Whoopee.

So I'm going. And not looking forward to it at all. But, my father has promised to bribe me make my stay more pleasant and (hopefully) enjoyable by giving me lots and lots of stuff. My father is quite well off, but has never actually given me anything like this, so it's rather shocking. But he has promised a nice flat, a car, a computer, dvd player...just about anything to bribe me into staying and shutting up about how miserable I am make me happy. Which will be nice. It will be good not to constantly stress about money, because god knows I've done enough of that lately. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm there -- I suppose I'll get a job in a bookshop, which I've done before and enjoyed, but apart from that (and going to the gym of course -- I have got to lose weight) I really have no clue. I'd like to keep acting of course...but I seriously doubt that will be a possibility. Oh well.

I know I shouldn't complain. Most people would love to be in my position. But it's just so unfair -- I was finally starting to have a good life, I actually made some fantastic friends that I could spend time with and who cared about me, and even more that I haven't met yet or got to know very well but would dearly love to, and now I'm going thousands of miles away, where I don't know ANYone except a few relatives whom I would really rather not have to see. I don't want to be alone.

I don't want to leave.

I just have to keep telling myself, 'it's only for a little while'. I hope it's true.


In other news: Today I had a fascinating conversation with a woman who is about to begin making a film that will be shown at next year's Cannes Film Festival. It's called Strings, and it's a dark, elegant, poignant and incredibly beautiful story about the lives of marionettes. If anyone has seen Being John Malkovitch, they'll know what I'm talking about. It sounds like a brilliant film, and I can't wait to see it.


Oh, and GIP -- because people don't use book quotes nearly enough. Pippin really is a most sensible Hobbit. :)

Comments

[cacklebang.livejournal.com]

::huggle:: On the other hand, you have more chance of Crazy American Friends (tm) running over to meet you! Or wait, that could be a bad thing..

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

Here's another ***glomp*** just to make you feel a bit better :)

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*squeeeze!*

Thank youuuuu :)

[mrs-puppethead.livejournal.com]

Love ya, Nev. *hugs* Don't let your father get to you, love. If he can't admire and respect the wonderful person you are or what you've done for yourself thus far... *makes disgusted face at him*

You're an incredible woman, don't let him (or you yourself, for that matter) try and persaude you otherwise.

[nerdcakes.livejournal.com]

You poor thing :(

I suppose it could be worse, though. I mean, I guess it's a way to try and patch things up with your Dad. You shouldn't have to just abandon your life to do so though. I hope it turns out okay for you *huggles*

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is surely a good thing. *grins wickedly* ;-)

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*blushes furiously*

If only he could see me through your eyes Kris. Or anyone else's except his own. *small sigh*

*hugs you tight and kisses your nose*

Hugs

[silvante.livejournal.com]

Well take care Nevvie, would have been great to get to know you better but your still a great person to know and i'm sure you'll do fine and i bet you'll be swamped with American Furs just banging down the door to get in and welcome you to america. Take care now and i'm sure all will be fine

[mrs-puppethead.livejournal.com]

Oh, aaaaaand...should your flight happen to include a layover in either Boston or Chicago, either Esther or I will have a proper chance to welcome you to the country properly. Y'know, just something to keep in mind. *waggles eyebrows like the tart she is*

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

I definitely want to improve our relationship, but I just wish there was a better way than for him to take charge and decide exactly how we need to do it.

I know things could be so much worse, and I do try to keep things in perspective -- I just wish I could take my friends with me so I won't be so lonely.

*glomp*

[storme]

*hug* You take our love with you, you know. You're not going to lose that just by moving to a different place.

And please please please do not give up on becoming an actor.

Re: Hugs

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Well, I seriously doubt anyone will be 'banging down the door' to see me, but the thought is certainly appreciated. *grins*

*squish*

Hugs and Wishes

[ixwin.livejournal.com]

Hope it works out. Don't let your father push you into doing something that's not right for you.

And keep posting here, y'hear? There are lots of people who care about you & want to know how you're getting on.

*(finally)adds angelislington to friends list*

(because this has made me realise how much I'd miss you if you weren't there)

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

We can meet up before you go, if you have time, and if you want. I can easily make into London any day this week (except Thursday). Or failing that, I'll be sure to let you know if I make it to LA.

*hugs* Be strong.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Arrrrgh, don't tempt me!

I could get a layover in either city...

No! Too many things to think about...nononono must not meet up for shags much adoration from my favourite girls! *whimpers*

[sensefille.livejournal.com]

Best of luck in running into Adrien Brody your move.

*hugs*

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

Would you like some drabbles to make you feel better? Pippin perhaps? Or Richard? Or other cute Scotsmen? How about some RPS?

[snowelf.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I have a bad feeling about what your dad wants to do. *HUGS* Don't let him push you around or make you do things you don't want to. If he can't see the fabulous person you are...don't let him convince you that you are not fabulous or that you need therapy or all that shit.

Re: Hugs and Wishes

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Hee. *adds you back* :)

>this has made me realise how much I'd miss you if you weren't there

*blush* That is so sweet, thank you...*big squishy hugs*

I will never stop posting in my journal, fear not! I'm far too addicted to let go. *grins*

And I hope you will post lots of pictures of your wedding, if you're anywhere near as excited as Elly and Nick (who were bouncing when they told me) than you must have weights attached to your feet to keep you from flying away. ;-)

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*massive hugs*

I wish we could have spent more time together.

I never want to give up being an actor, I just hope I will still find the same opportunities in the unforgiving (and film orientated) environment of LA. But I will still try! No matter what my father says. *grins*

[felineparadox.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I would have comemnted last night but i was ill and didn't see it, your leaving and i haven't even met you yet :)
I hope things go well for you *cuddles*

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Thursday is my only free day! *whinge*

Arse.

I don't suppose you want to come to Milton Keynes and meet Billy? :)

[mrs-puppethead.livejournal.com]

*best Mojo-Jojo impression* Resistance is futile! Bwahahahahahahaha!

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Heheheh I will definitely try! Mmmmmmmmm Adrien. *lick* :D

*squish!*

[ladystained.livejournal.com]

Ah...I'm not sure what to say, other that I (and lots and lots of others) will be around should you need us. I am not an avocate of going to live with parents who don't understand you, but then I ran away when I was 16 and don't have contact with anyone but a grandfather who hasn't ever met me, and hasn't seen my mom (his daugher) since she was 7. However, I do understand the challenge of getting a career going and getting money to live on. :)

And YES, if you do get a stopover in Chicago, tell me! I live in the Chicago suburbs, and if possible I'd come hang out with you at midway or o'hare if you had a few hours between flights. :) Of course, I can't say how good of company I'd be since I don't know the airports well. ;)