(no subject)

[neverwhere]

Thank you so much for your concern and well wishes. I can't believe how many of you replied to my entry, I'm truly stunned by the reaction it received. I really have made some amazing friends. I hope you all realize how much I value your friendship. Because I really do. :)

Please forgive me for not replying last night, I went to bed early and was too emotionally drained for a response. So here's the deal -- I'm not going because I want to. There are many reasons why I am being forced to go, but basically it's because I have no money and my father has promised to help me get back on my feet, but only if it is under his careful supervision, which means I have to leave. He never wanted me to become an actor, he hates me living here (where he can't CONTROL me) and even wants me to train for a 'proper' degree this time, preferably at a 'decent' school (let's not even mention how much he loathed Sarah Lawrence) so he can finally be proud of me. And did I mention that he wants to stick me in 'intense' therapy to sort out all of my emotional problems (most of which he caused)? Whoopee.

So I'm going. And not looking forward to it at all. But, my father has promised to bribe me make my stay more pleasant and (hopefully) enjoyable by giving me lots and lots of stuff. My father is quite well off, but has never actually given me anything like this, so it's rather shocking. But he has promised a nice flat, a car, a computer, dvd player...just about anything to bribe me into staying and shutting up about how miserable I am make me happy. Which will be nice. It will be good not to constantly stress about money, because god knows I've done enough of that lately. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm there -- I suppose I'll get a job in a bookshop, which I've done before and enjoyed, but apart from that (and going to the gym of course -- I have got to lose weight) I really have no clue. I'd like to keep acting of course...but I seriously doubt that will be a possibility. Oh well.

I know I shouldn't complain. Most people would love to be in my position. But it's just so unfair -- I was finally starting to have a good life, I actually made some fantastic friends that I could spend time with and who cared about me, and even more that I haven't met yet or got to know very well but would dearly love to, and now I'm going thousands of miles away, where I don't know ANYone except a few relatives whom I would really rather not have to see. I don't want to be alone.

I don't want to leave.

I just have to keep telling myself, 'it's only for a little while'. I hope it's true.


In other news: Today I had a fascinating conversation with a woman who is about to begin making a film that will be shown at next year's Cannes Film Festival. It's called Strings, and it's a dark, elegant, poignant and incredibly beautiful story about the lives of marionettes. If anyone has seen Being John Malkovitch, they'll know what I'm talking about. It sounds like a brilliant film, and I can't wait to see it.


Oh, and GIP -- because people don't use book quotes nearly enough. Pippin really is a most sensible Hobbit. :)

Comments

[cacklebang.livejournal.com]

::huggle:: On the other hand, you have more chance of Crazy American Friends (tm) running over to meet you! Or wait, that could be a bad thing..

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is surely a good thing. *grins wickedly* ;-)

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

Here's another ***glomp*** just to make you feel a bit better :)

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*squeeeze!*

Thank youuuuu :)

[mrs-puppethead.livejournal.com]

Love ya, Nev. *hugs* Don't let your father get to you, love. If he can't admire and respect the wonderful person you are or what you've done for yourself thus far... *makes disgusted face at him*

You're an incredible woman, don't let him (or you yourself, for that matter) try and persaude you otherwise.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*blushes furiously*

If only he could see me through your eyes Kris. Or anyone else's except his own. *small sigh*

*hugs you tight and kisses your nose*

[nerdcakes.livejournal.com]

You poor thing :(

I suppose it could be worse, though. I mean, I guess it's a way to try and patch things up with your Dad. You shouldn't have to just abandon your life to do so though. I hope it turns out okay for you *huggles*

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

I definitely want to improve our relationship, but I just wish there was a better way than for him to take charge and decide exactly how we need to do it.

I know things could be so much worse, and I do try to keep things in perspective -- I just wish I could take my friends with me so I won't be so lonely.

*glomp*

Hugs

[silvante.livejournal.com]

Well take care Nevvie, would have been great to get to know you better but your still a great person to know and i'm sure you'll do fine and i bet you'll be swamped with American Furs just banging down the door to get in and welcome you to america. Take care now and i'm sure all will be fine

Re: Hugs

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Well, I seriously doubt anyone will be 'banging down the door' to see me, but the thought is certainly appreciated. *grins*

*squish*

[storme]

*hug* You take our love with you, you know. You're not going to lose that just by moving to a different place.

And please please please do not give up on becoming an actor.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*massive hugs*

I wish we could have spent more time together.

I never want to give up being an actor, I just hope I will still find the same opportunities in the unforgiving (and film orientated) environment of LA. But I will still try! No matter what my father says. *grins*

Hugs and Wishes

[ixwin.livejournal.com]

Hope it works out. Don't let your father push you into doing something that's not right for you.

And keep posting here, y'hear? There are lots of people who care about you & want to know how you're getting on.

*(finally)adds angelislington to friends list*

(because this has made me realise how much I'd miss you if you weren't there)

Re: Hugs and Wishes

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Hee. *adds you back* :)

>this has made me realise how much I'd miss you if you weren't there

*blush* That is so sweet, thank you...*big squishy hugs*

I will never stop posting in my journal, fear not! I'm far too addicted to let go. *grins*

And I hope you will post lots of pictures of your wedding, if you're anywhere near as excited as Elly and Nick (who were bouncing when they told me) than you must have weights attached to your feet to keep you from flying away. ;-)

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

We can meet up before you go, if you have time, and if you want. I can easily make into London any day this week (except Thursday). Or failing that, I'll be sure to let you know if I make it to LA.

*hugs* Be strong.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Thursday is my only free day! *whinge*

Arse.

I don't suppose you want to come to Milton Keynes and meet Billy? :)

[sensefille.livejournal.com]

Best of luck in running into Adrien Brody your move.

*hugs*

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Heheheh I will definitely try! Mmmmmmmmm Adrien. *lick* :D

*squish!*

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

Would you like some drabbles to make you feel better? Pippin perhaps? Or Richard? Or other cute Scotsmen? How about some RPS?

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, lovely lovely drabbles!

Delightfully silly stories about hobbits, kilts, accents, aliens and other assorted fun things would be most appreciated. *grins*

[snowelf.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I have a bad feeling about what your dad wants to do. *HUGS* Don't let him push you around or make you do things you don't want to. If he can't see the fabulous person you are...don't let him convince you that you are not fabulous or that you need therapy or all that shit.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

I have a bad feeling too. He's said on several occasions that he wants me to take happy pills, because he thinks it'll make me more 'normal'. Siiiiiigh.

There's nothing wrong with me a little self-confidence couldn't cure. Too bad THAT doesn't come in a pill.

*squeeeeze*

[felineparadox.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I would have comemnted last night but i was ill and didn't see it, your leaving and i haven't even met you yet :)
I hope things go well for you *cuddles*

[ladystained.livejournal.com]

Ah...I'm not sure what to say, other that I (and lots and lots of others) will be around should you need us. I am not an avocate of going to live with parents who don't understand you, but then I ran away when I was 16 and don't have contact with anyone but a grandfather who hasn't ever met me, and hasn't seen my mom (his daugher) since she was 7. However, I do understand the challenge of getting a career going and getting money to live on. :)

And YES, if you do get a stopover in Chicago, tell me! I live in the Chicago suburbs, and if possible I'd come hang out with you at midway or o'hare if you had a few hours between flights. :) Of course, I can't say how good of company I'd be since I don't know the airports well. ;)

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

I haven't really lived with either of my parents since I was 12, so believe me, it's going to be weird. Thankfully I won't actually be living with them, except for the first few days. I will make sure we go apartment hunting right away. *grins*

Why can't doing the job you love guarentee finacial security? Shoudn't it be the jobs that make you happy that are the most rewarding? (In every way?)

Stupid world. *kicks it* ;-)

*squiiish*

Color me confused.

[mamaslyth.livejournal.com]

Nev,

If you dad doesn't want you to be an actor, why is he sending you to Los Angeles? Why not some place like San Francisco? (I hear Pepperdine University is a very good school.) Or Massachusettes? (MIT, anyone?) Or some other Ivy League school in New England.

I'm serious. Most people *go* to LA to become actors and he's sending you there *not* to be one???

If it was me, I would be sending you somewhere in the Midwest to keep you away from all those actor people ;)

(Um... Your dad doesn't know that Hollywood is around there, doesn't he? Or is he expecting you to be snobbish and believes there are things you will not do for your dream?)

Re: Color me confused.

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

*chuckles*

He lives there. Sorry, did I not make that clear? I thought I had somewhere, forgive me. *hugs* :)

[bohemiangel.livejournal.com]

bless you, take care of yourself and dont give up on your dreams. Btw are you still at collectormania this w/end, i'd love to shout you a drink before you wild blue yonder on me. *g*

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

I certainly am, I think I'll be arriving sometime friday afternoon and staying until saturday night. Whoot!

Like I would pass up the opportunity for BILLYlove. *grins*

[penmage.livejournal.com]

:hugs: I'm so sorry this is being forced on you - not even a little cool. Even so, here's to it being at least a little good. :hugs again: And - I have to ask - are you stopovering in NY?

Best of luck!

[airemay.livejournal.com]

I am relieved. I thought that you were majorly ill or something. Weeeeeeee! You will be close! You can come and visit me, or I can come and visit you! *squees and jumps up and down*

[etoilepb.livejournal.com]

I would say, think of it as a grand adventure! It'll sill be hard to leave, but it's not as though it's 1800 and you can't ever talk to anyone again. I've been contemplating a move to LA, from Boston, and I'm terrified by the idea of being that far away, alone in that strange a place (and at least for me its still in the same country). So if you're going, look for the thrills. Make the best of it. :)

[marp2003.livejournal.com]

I had a fleeting feeling that your move had something to do with your dad. I remember you mentioning that he lived in LA a while ago. Control. Ack. Something I know too well but loathe.

Well, good luck Nev!! *hugs*

[leiabelle.livejournal.com]

Good luck with everything! Sorry it's under such icky circumstances, but maybe good will come of it. I hope your father learns to believe in you. You're obviously a wonderful person! Whatever you do, don't let go of your dreams!

*hugsquish*

[peartreealley.livejournal.com]

Hi Nevvie! I know I don't post very often, but I do keep reading. I just wanted to pop in and let you know that I hope things go well for you. The west coast isn't all that bad, and at least you get to be in the warmer part of it :) *shivers in Seattle*

A couple of years ago, I considered moving to Hawaii to try to patch up relationships with my mother. Oddly, she didn't want me to come. I hope things go better with you and your father.

Best wishes and luck.

-Annie

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said here before, but, y'know, I figured it couldn't hurt...

Good luck, and be good to yourself - just don't forget that your worth as a person is not dependant on your dad's word. And enjoy as much of it as you can, and for the rest of it, at least it'll be over quickly, with any luck. :)

*sends hugs and chocolate*

[slyzucchinio.livejournal.com]

I am sorry you have to leave a place you love, Nevvie! It's never fun to leave your friends and favorite places behind. Rest assured you'll never be forgotten by those friends. You may be very far away, but you'll also be right there in their hearts.

And don't despair about moving to L.A.! Maybe your dad will've changed his outlook, and he really just wants to back with him so he can make up for all the hurt he caused in the past. Maybe he wants to make ammends. Plus, in L.A. there's a better chance that all the East Coast Brodians can meet you, not to mention a HUGE chance for an encounter with THE MAN himself! You never know- to use a over-used proverb- When God closes a door, He opens a window!

At any rate, I will be thinking of you and wishing you good luck in everything you do. And if your flight has a layover in Florida... *smiles* You'll know who to call!

[amaterasu.livejournal.com]

I haven't known you very long, but you're already, like, my hero. I think you're amazing. From what I've gathered, you've been living the dream I've all but given up on. And if your father isn't proud of you... well, I am. While it's very nice of him to surround you with all these material things (and in LA, no less, which is about as close to Wonderland as my brain can handle), I think it's a pity that you have to put your life on hold for it.

You'll be fine, though. I'm sure of that. It's hard to keep a Geek Goddess down, eh?

(It's also a pity that you won't be in London when I make it back there this summer. I was kinda hoping you would be!)

***hugs***

[angelislington.livejournal.com]

Oh no! I like you so much already too, I would have loved to meet you! *sulks*

You're far too kind about me though. *blush*

Oooh, I think I rather like being a Geek Goddess. *beams proudly*

*big squishy hugs*

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

I couldn't call Pippin sensible, but he is certainly delightful!

Strings sounds awesome!

As for your position...*hugshugshugs* Well, much of what was to be said on my count was said in chat, when you told me. And frankly, you're right; it is unfair. I think your father is wrong to manipulate you and that he's an overbearing powerhungry asshole. Okay, so I'm biased; you actually have never spoken much of him in all the time I've known you, and that fact combined with what you have said tells me quite a lot. That or I'm a presumptuous biased wench who hates to see you unhappy. Y'know, one of those. *wry gryn*

But the fact that your father is wrong to manipulate you doesn't mean it's wrong for you to accept. Lots of good things can come of this. I know you don't want to leave England (and certainly I don't want you to leave England! *wry gryn*), but if accepting your father's charity means that you'll be free to not freak out about money for a time, go to a gym, go to a therapist (note: no negative stigma involved in that, probably we all need therapists!)...well, maybe it's a good thing. I only have two pieces of advice: first of all, be sure to find something to do in LA, some sort of work that's yours and not set up by your father, whether it's acting or working in a bookstore where Tori visits (squee!) or anything. And second, don't let the situation last forever. Though I think you knew that one. =) Oh, and let me visit, but that too was a given. *hehe*

There is an acting community in LA; one of my best friend's boyfriends is an actor in New York City, but they hate NYC and want to move to LA instead and try that acting scene. He's researched big theater areas and says that's one of the major ones in the US. So surely there's space for you in there. =)

Truthfully, I quite like the idea of you going to therapy in order to work on the issues you have with your father. There's a certain poetic justice in that, n'est-ce-pas? *gryn* Besides, all of us lovely people kicking you in the head and telling you to believe in yourself never seems to work, so perhaps someone who's trained to do just that will have better luck. And then you can take over the world, and I can beg you to let me have a little corner of Wales to live in. *Gryn*

On a random note--and this is of course hugely overwhelmingly theoretical--your father wouldn't object to me moving in with you? Particularly as I couldn't pay rent at first? God knows the last thing I'd want is to cause more trouble. (I have no idea if that's what I'll do or not, as you know, I'm just trying to figure out what all the options are)

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

Okay, one more piece of advice: DON'T LET YOUR FATHER EAT YOU!!! You are a good actress (and, I repeat, a smashing director, I still think you should do more directing) and don't you doubt/forget it for a moment. Don't give up!

After all, someday when you're rich and famous and have lots of Hollywood connections like Adrian Brody I'll be able to bribe you into introducing me to them so I can score their movies, bwhahahahhaahahaa. We will take over the world, I tells ya!