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neverwhereLadies and Gentlemen, may I present: The World's Most Appalling Piece of LOTR Fanfic, by Neverwhere the Magnificent.
Enjoy. *grins*
Merry?'
'Yes, Pip?'
'What are we doing here'?
'You already know that, Pippin. We're here to watch over Nevvie as she writes her first fanfic.'
'Really? Will there be smut? I'm not sure I can take any more, my thighs are beginning to ache.'
'I don't think so.'
'Oh good.'
'Merry?'
'What.'
'What are we supposed to do, exactly?'
'Just be quiet Pip, and look cute. I think she needs to be inspired by your insipid adorableness.'
'You think I'm insipid? I thought you were my best friend.'
'I am, but the screaming fangirls who worship your pretty curls and pouty cupid's bow lips drive me crazy. I wish they'd just stop. Or at least throw themselves at *me* for once.'
'But they do. I've seen them stare at your trousers for hours. I know they're very nice trousers, but it does seem a little obsessive to me. I mean, they're just trousers, right? Everybody wears them.'
'Indeed.'
'Why are you looking at me like that?'
'Because you amuse me.'
'Is that all?'
'Yes. Why, do you want it to be more?'
'Uhmmmm...'
'Stop chewing on your scarf Pip.'
'I thought you said there wouldn't be smut.'
'This isn't smut.'
'Oh no? It feels quite smutty to me.'
'I'm not doing anything to you, am I?'
'Well, no.'
'There you are then.'
'Merry?'
'Yes, Pip.'
'Could you not put your carrot there? You're making me uncomfortable.'
'Sorry.'
'No, seriously. Put it somewhere else.'
'I did.'
'Oh.'
'I was wrong Pip. This is smut.'
'I thought as much.'
'I guess we'd better just enjoy it.'
'You're right. Pass the the lube, would you? Cheers.'
Enjoy. *grins*
Merry?'
'Yes, Pip?'
'What are we doing here'?
'You already know that, Pippin. We're here to watch over Nevvie as she writes her first fanfic.'
'Really? Will there be smut? I'm not sure I can take any more, my thighs are beginning to ache.'
'I don't think so.'
'Oh good.'
'Merry?'
'What.'
'What are we supposed to do, exactly?'
'Just be quiet Pip, and look cute. I think she needs to be inspired by your insipid adorableness.'
'You think I'm insipid? I thought you were my best friend.'
'I am, but the screaming fangirls who worship your pretty curls and pouty cupid's bow lips drive me crazy. I wish they'd just stop. Or at least throw themselves at *me* for once.'
'But they do. I've seen them stare at your trousers for hours. I know they're very nice trousers, but it does seem a little obsessive to me. I mean, they're just trousers, right? Everybody wears them.'
'Indeed.'
'Why are you looking at me like that?'
'Because you amuse me.'
'Is that all?'
'Yes. Why, do you want it to be more?'
'Uhmmmm...'
'Stop chewing on your scarf Pip.'
'I thought you said there wouldn't be smut.'
'This isn't smut.'
'Oh no? It feels quite smutty to me.'
'I'm not doing anything to you, am I?'
'Well, no.'
'There you are then.'
'Merry?'
'Yes, Pip.'
'Could you not put your carrot there? You're making me uncomfortable.'
'Sorry.'
'No, seriously. Put it somewhere else.'
'I did.'
'Oh.'
'I was wrong Pip. This is smut.'
'I thought as much.'
'I guess we'd better just enjoy it.'
'You're right. Pass the the lube, would you? Cheers.'
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 02:35 pm (UTC)Blast. I've wet myself.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 02:36 pm (UTC)OMG! How COOL!
Damn, who knew I was so funny. Certainly not me. *laughs* :D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 02:39 pm (UTC)*snuggles Pip and Pop*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 02:41 pm (UTC)Hee!
Esther made me this pppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrfeeeeeeeeecccctttttttttttttt icon. *loves her purple otter daemon twins so very muchly* :D
Maybe I should write more really bad fanfiction. I seem to be getting a good reaction from it. ;-)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 02:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 03:11 pm (UTC)TRINNY! *pounce!*
Well, if you approve, I must have done something right. *beams* :D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 03:49 pm (UTC)That. Is. Genius.
I love it! Woot! More! More! *G*
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 03:56 pm (UTC)More? Oh dear god no. *lol*
...You don't really want me to subject my minions to more of my appalling smut, do you? ;-)
(no subject)
From:*Spring*
Date: 2003-10-24 03:52 pm (UTC)That's inspired! You pervy pippin fancier, you :D
Gotta feel sorry for the poor mites, they thought the orcs were bad, they never saw the fanfics coming till it was too late *grins*
Bloody love your icons too! Übercute purple Nevvie-otters and the one with the kitty girl on it :D
Re: *Spring*
Date: 2003-10-24 03:55 pm (UTC)Aren't my new icons wicked? I've been so sick of having the same ones for months, and now my dearest
Thank you for the gratuitous praise my sweet. *nibblesmooch!*
Re: *Spring*
From:Re: *Spring*
From:no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 04:15 pm (UTC)I knew you ought to write fic. I knew it in my bones, I did!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 04:18 pm (UTC)Oh dear! You're going to try and convince me to become a drabble writing fiend, aren't you. *hides*
:D
(no subject)
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From:no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 04:31 pm (UTC)At least I will FINALLY get to see you in November. But it's so far away!! I could *try* to go to the Newport Beach thing tomorrow. It all depends on how far it is. <3<3<3<3.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 04:34 pm (UTC)It's only two weeks away silly. You've been waiting, what, three years? I hardly think a few extra days will matter. :-P
Don't stress meine liebe! I fear I will disappoint you immensely.
(no subject)
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Date: 2003-10-24 05:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 06:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 07:48 pm (UTC)*gigglesquee*
Thank you! :D
I would call that...
Date: 2003-10-24 06:14 pm (UTC)--
Banazir
(metasmutty, too, poihaps :-D)
Re: I would call that...
Date: 2003-10-24 07:48 pm (UTC)*curtsies*
High praise indeed! Thank you, O fabulous guru of Teunc-y goodness. *grins*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 08:10 pm (UTC)*turns on "Whole Lotta Love"* LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!
*GUITAR CRASH!* Shake for me, girl! I wanna be your backdoor
hobbitemceeblankette girlman!!SHE LOVES ME! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!
Date: 2003-10-24 08:15 pm (UTC)*LOL*
Oh thank you, thank you!! I am so very pleased that you enjoyed it, as you were the critic I was most worried about. *giggles sheepishly*
You are far too good to me my beloved. Not that I mind of course. ;-)
*wiggles just for youuuuuuuuuuuuu* :D:D:D:D
How could anybody NOT?!?! *SHAGS*
From:Re: How could anybody NOT?!?! *SHAGS*
From:no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 09:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 10:00 pm (UTC)Unfortunately just the eeeeevil dub on Adult Swim. Normally I can not tolerate dubs (I quite literally felt nauseous when I saw the SHIT Escaflowne) but this isn't so terrible. Plus it's the only way to get my fix.
Dearest
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 11:44 pm (UTC)*cries tears of happiness*
*struts for your pleasure* :D
Date: 2003-10-25 10:11 am (UTC)Wooohooooo!!!! *does the Happy Nevvie dance*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 05:37 am (UTC)*throws self at Merry*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 10:09 am (UTC)You liked it? Seriously? But your writing is a zillion times better than mine, how could I possibly compete! *wibbles happily* :D
Wow. Maybe I really should write more crap. *laughs*
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 05:43 am (UTC)Nevvie, dearest, if I'm in any way responsible for that then I must be truly awesome.
*giggles madly* Ahaha, it's truly a thing of beauty. Well done!
And your animated Pippin was the cutest thing in the world. I demand that he comes back!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 10:04 am (UTC)You are indeed the Queen of Spiffyness! *squish!*
I lost my Pippin, otherwise he would definitely be back. *sniff*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 08:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 09:58 am (UTC)Muahahahahaha!
My evil plan has worked well I see....;-D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 10:34 am (UTC)Bwahahaha!
*licks your icon*
Date: 2003-10-25 06:59 pm (UTC)Wheeeee! *blushes with fuzzyhappy pride* :D:D:D:D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 10:58 am (UTC)♥!!!11
fantastic last line ^^;
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 07:00 pm (UTC)Squeee! *pouncekisses* :D
I'm so glad you liked it my sweet. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 06:08 pm (UTC)... write more. Please? *giggles*
The world should probably consider itself very lucky that I'm currently too busy studying for the upcoming examination to have the time to plague it with the twisted figments of my imagination. The combination of too much
No! Bad plotbunny! Bad! >_< *grabs newspaper and smacks plotbunny back into the darkest corners of my brain*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-25 06:57 pm (UTC)Ooooooooooooooh JK writes the Divine Comedy! Yes! That sounds fun. :D
Not that I want you to give up revising of course...;-)
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2003-10-27 02:21 am (UTC)Veeeeery funny! (encore?)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-27 11:14 am (UTC)I can't believe it either. It's against nature I tells ya! :D
no subject
Date: 2003-10-31 04:43 am (UTC)oh, this is so so so funny!
Yay, you should write more. :)
Hope all's well with you - had Sky news in Lanzarote and the fires looked of the scary. :o
I almost hesitate to say, love to my Cousin Pippin!
Merry. xx
I'm so glad you like my story cuz! :D
Date: 2003-10-31 08:56 pm (UTC)Never hesitate to say ANYthing to me my sweet! *pouncekisses* :)
Yes, I'm allrighty -- the fires are all to the north and south, we're just breathing in lots of ash down by the beach. I am driving into the heart of darkness next tuesday for an interview in Claremont, which you may have heard was one of the areas most devastated by the flames. Eeep.